Homeschool and Friendships Part 2

Click here to read Part 1


Every week we meet other homeschoolers at the park.  It's fascinating to me to watch them run off and play together and see who plays with whom.  They do often divide into groups based on their interests, which usually ends up meaning roughly age 9-12 go one way, 5-8 go another, and then toddlers and independent personalities stick to themselves.

But there are also plenty of times when kids of all ages will all play together, from age 2-12. Or the groups will shuffle around.  And it's not because us moms have told them to be more inclusive!  They genuinely enjoy the company of the kids both much younger and older than them.  It's not unusual to see a toddler trying to keep up with the biggest kids as they wander around, talking about Gravity Falls or Big Hero Six and then one of them will turn around and scoop him up so he can be with them instead of telling him to go away.

Currently Tertius (age 6) is best friends with a boy who is 8.  Secundus (age 8) is best friends with a girl who is 6.  One of Primus' (age 10) best friends is 12.

I'm so thankful for Primus' friend "Lily."  She's older, but she's not into the crazy teenage drama yet.  And while she's very mature in many ways, she also still plays imaginatively.  I don't remember when my friends and I stopped playing make-believe but it was almost surely before age 10.  And yet, last summer it was not unusual for us to see Primus, Lily, and the rest of their gang run from one side of the park to the other to slay a dragon or whatever.

I don't think they still do that, but they usually report afterwards that they "played Gravity Falls" (or Big Hero Six or My Little Pony), and that they have made up their own characters for each other to fit in those worlds.  Lily is a very creative young woman and has written fan fiction and an original novel.  I'm so glad that Primus has Lily as a good example, that Primus can be herself with her, and that she can be a "kid" a little longer rather than feeling the pressure to grow up too fast or be something she's not.

However, I worry that any day now Lily will start raging with hormones and acting like the other preteens/teens.  I worry that she'll lose interest in Primus and that Primus will be left behind.  I'm really close to Lily's mom so our families will still be friendly.  I also don't think for an instant that Lily will exclude Primus or be cliquey or mean on purpose.  But I worry that their interests will diverge sharply and that will be awkward and painful.

Of course, awkward and painful experiences strengthen us, give us character, and help us grow.  So that's great, but as a mom I still dread my baby going through that.

Strong friendships are so important for both children and adults and I want the best for my kiddos!

Homeschool and Friendships Part 1

One thing I love about homeschool is that on a regular basis my kids interact with and form friendships with kids of all ages.

The public school system has for generations been based on a factory approach.  Kids are divided according to "manufactured date" and sent down the designated conveyor belt.  (Watch this TED talk by Sir. Ken Robinson to understand what I mean.  It's my favorite! Or the shorter, animated version here.)

In my observation, kids in public school interact almost exclusively with kids their own age, rarely looking for friends among the kids in classes ahead or behind them.

Even bullying based solely on what grade you are happens often.  The best example of this to me was at my middle school. There was only 7th and 8th graders at the school.  To be called a "sevey" by one of the 8th graders was a huge insult.  The 8th graders would tease and harass the 7th graders all the time simply because they were one year younger.  It's insanity!  No one can control their birthdate (manufactured date) and it's not the most important thing about you!

In the real world, that's not how relationships work.  Friendships begin based on proximity.  In public school, that means it's based on age because that's who's in your classroom.  However, adults become close with the people they work with, share a hobby with, go to church with, etc.  Before adults decide to hang out they don't ask each other when they graduated high school.  Hubby is 4 years older that me.  One of Hubby's best friends is about 6 years younger than him.  One of my best friends is many years older than me.

I realize that part of the reason for the difference between adult friendships and childhood friendships is that children grow, mature, and change so much in such a short time.  For example, there's a big difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old in terms of things like speech capability and vocabulary, gross and fine motor ability, and play style.   And all that evens out once you get past puberty.

However, I think it's really beneficial for children to interact with other children of all ages.  They learn so much from the example of kids older than them and they learn compassion and nurturing skills by being with the younger kids.  I love that my kids spend so much time with their siblings and that they attend so many enrichment classes and park days that aren't divided by age.

On the Hunt For Cool Books

Hubby is not only a history teacher, he's a history fanatic.  He's also an aspiring writer.  Every time that I'm looking at used books for the kids, I'm also on the lookout for history and writing stuff that he might like.  Whenever I strike it lucky and find something good, he's really impressed and grateful.  Once he told me that I had a real talent for finding things he likes.  A couple times we have gone to the same thrift store, together, and he saw nothing worthwhile but my eye was drawn to something awesome.

So now it's kind of an obsession and I'm eager to find the next great book.  The search is fun and I like making him happy!

Recently I was very excited to show him that I found Machiavelli's The Prince.  He was proud of me and thankful, but he was also amused to point out that I had already found him The Prince and forgotten about it.  Swing and a miss.

A couple months later I made up for it when I got Plato's Republic, The Iliad, The Odyssey, a book about Scottish Witchcraft, and a useful and well organized grammar reference book at a library book sale.

The next thing he has on his wishlist is The Malleus Maleficarum.

Footprints in Paint

For literature studies, the boys and I read  The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats and did a couple activities.  Our favorite one was rolling out some butcher paper on the cement outside and making footprints.  The boy in the story had fun making different footprints in the snow.  We used blue paint.

When the boys were done, the girls wanted in on the fun and picked pink and purple.  They cut out their favorite footprints and then just made a mess stomping around the rest of the paper.

We used washable tempera paint.  If you try this, just be careful because the first time that you step on the plate of paint and then on the butcher paper, it's really slippery!

10 Year Old's First Make-up Kit

As I was checking out at Walmart, Primus looked at the gift sets by the register and found a cute make-up kit for little kids and asked if she could buy it with her own money.

I said 'absolutely not!' And then I walked her to the "beauty" department and helped her pick out 3 lipsticks and 3 blushes to buy instead.

I don't wear makeup. I haven't worn any (except for occasional concealer to make zits look less angry) ever since I realized that an entire multi-million dollar industry is based primarily on the notion that women are "less-than" if they don't cover up their natural skin. They make money when they can convince me that I am ugly when I look the way God made me.

I would never disparage anyone who liked to wear make-up on a regular basis for whatever reason. But I also don't want my girls to think that they have to paint their faces everyday in order to be worthy of love.

And yet, I helped Primus buy make-up...

That's because she and her siblings take a theater class every fall. In the theater world, make-up is a very important tool. It's necessary to add some color to your lips and cheeks so you don't look sick under the bright lights.

And so instead of letting her waste her money on some cheep junk that has hardly any pigment in it and is probably bad for her skin, I encouraged her to spend roughly the same amount of money on some inexpensive better quality stuff. And now she can be the official family make-up artist and experiment with different shades to see which one makes each of her siblings look the best for performance time.