Dear Sister,
You have a beautiful child (or a few). You have been so blessed! I know you're grateful. And I know you wish and pray for another baby. Yet, for one reason or another, you're experiencing secondary infertility. I'm so sorry!
Hopefully you've surrounded yourself with good, kind friends that would never shout you down if you were to confide in them the ache you feel when you long to hold another infant of your own in your arms. However, you probably don't share with them your grievances because they've experienced the pain of miscarriages, primary infertility, or infant loss while you haven't. You don't want to sound ungrateful for your fortunes, and you would never want to contribute to their pain! If your friends have had it much worse than you, you're probably used to being the designated supportive listening ear. I hope you have the right friends that will compassionately take a turn being your listening ear once in a while.
Do you cry when you remove the too-small clothes from your youngest child's dresser? Or when you see the storage boxes of baby gear and toys taking up space and wonder if you should just pass them on? Do you get teary eyed when you hug your child's head to your chest and remember when their entire body used to fit there? Or when your littlest one plays sweetly with someone else's baby and your heart yearns for them to have a younger sibling of their own? Do you sob while watching your favorite show, Call the Midwife perhaps, and wonder why you keep torturing yourself like that?
Complicating things further, perhaps you're like me in that you're so poor it could be argued that having another baby right now would be incredibly irresponsible. At the same time as you're praying for a miracle you must worry about how you would even announce such happy, hypothetical news when others will likely criticize you. But even the fear of their judging gaze and your tightly stretched bank account usually aren't enough to stop you from praying, is it?
My dear sister, you are not alone. I'm so sorry that you carry around this burden, especially if you feel like you can't reach out to others for support.
The only advice I have is to continue to turn to your Heavenly Father. He knows you and loves you. I don't know why you have to endure this trial, but He does. We just have to hold onto our faith and trust that whatever plan He has for our lives, that it is the best for us and our families.
I know that he knows me and that means he knows what I need to learn and the best way for me to learn it. I know that when I turn towards my Heavenly Father and Savior in times of doubt and pain, instead of angrily turning away from them, then I am blessed, strengthened, and comforted. I hope you can also find peace!
Sincerely,
Your Empathetic Sister
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