I used to facilitate a Family Support Group for people who have loved ones in addiction. It was one of my most fulfilling callings I've ever had.
Several months ago I attended a regional meeting to promote the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP), Family Support Group (FSG), and Pornography Addiction Support Group (PASG) to the leaders of many local congregations. While there I ran into an old friend. Addiction had touched her family's life and we had a very good talk. I promised to send her a reading list but that never happened. I feel awful! So I'm finally doing it. Here it is!
He Did Deliver Me From Bondage- Colleen Harrison
This is the first book on the subject of addiction I ever read. It's written by an LDS lady who struggled with food addiction, perfectionism, and had a husband with a pornography addiction. She found scriptures from the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Christ, that related to each of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
That scripture study resulted in her writing this book. Each chapter focuses on a different step, with study questions that you are supposed to ponder and journal about.
Healing Through Christ
When the FSG was started, it was considered a pilot program. We were given a draft of this guidebook to use as we waited for it to be given final approval by the Church's curriculum department. I love it. It quickly became my favorite resource on the topic of codependency. It's written in mostly the same format as the ARP guide.
But then the curriculum department pulled it. They decided to go in a different direction. So the original authors took back their book, added and changed some things, and decided to distribute it themselves.
Addiction Recovery Program, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing
When Healing Through Christ was pulled, we had to use the same workbook as the regular ARP meetings. This guide is a study and workbook. It takes AA's 12 Steps and talked about each of them from an LDS perspective with many scriptures and General Authority quotes.
At first it was hard to feel like it really applied to codependents. But soon I fell in love with the 12 Steps. The 12 Steps are for everyone! All they are is a plan for applying Christ's Atonement and following the repentance process. Everyone needs that!
Spouse and Family Support Guide
This is the workbook the Church eventually decided to come out with for the FSG. Change is hard and I was upset at first that they had removed the 12 Steps. But it has proven to be a wonderful resource that has sparked many wonderful discussions in our group.
Codependent No More- Melody Beattie
Melody Beattie seems to be a very well-respected expert in the world of codependency. She has written many books on the subject, but this seems to be the one I hear the most about. I have not read it yet myself, but a few women I know personally read it and loved it.
Hold On to Hope- Elder Vaughn J. Featherstone and Dr. Rick H.
This was a pretty easy read. I loved it! It was so full of interesting insight. I found myself many times bringing quotes and concepts from the book into the FSG meeting to share.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Homeschooling Means...#5
...taking "Spring Break" and "Christmas Break" one day at a time as needed, spread out over 3 or 4 weeks. We also work through holidays like MLK Jr. Day and take that vacation day when we really need it.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Friday, May 29, 2015
Don't Waste My Time
There are few things I hate more than my time being wasted. If I choose to waste my own time (by being lazy, for example, dorking around on fb or youtube) then that's fine. But if someone else wastes my time, I get angry.
There are only so many hours in the day!
Recently the kids and I attended an end-of-the-year activity with our homeschool group. When we arrived, the two parking lots for the park were completely full. So we had to park at an elementary school down the street. It wasn't too bad but as the big kids ran ahead, I was left carrying my heavy, needs-to-be-cleaned-out diaper bag, Quartus who had just woken up, and my potluck contribution on a large tray. (This is no big deal because I'm a mom! Not the first time I've found myself in similar situation.)
As I walked up I noticed that there were no tables for food and I didn't see anybody else holding trays of food. I was confused. Another mom quickly stopped me and said, "Oh, you must not have heard! The picnic benches here are all totally full so we're going to move the potluck portion to a different park down the street." Annoying, but whatever. She gave me verbal directions and it seemed like it would be easy to find the next place.
So the first part of the activity went well. It was really fun and a great experience. Then I packed up my kids and my junk and trekked back to the car. I realized quickly that I had completely forgotten the name of the street that I was supposed to turn on. But I wasn't too worried because I figured I'd be able to follow everyone else.
I got behind a big group of cars that I figured were part of our group and got going. But then we just kept going and I got worried that I had driven too far, "There's no way this second park is this far away!"
But then the big group of cars turned left and I happily followed. Then I just kept going. And going. And the landmark I was supposed to be watching for to turn next never came. I had driven a long way and figured everyone else was probably already at the park and eating by now. I decided that we were not going the right way. I got back to the first park and tried again, turning left sooner this time.
This obviously wasn't the correct way, either. Angry, frustrated, and embarrassed, I apologized to the kids, instructed them to open up the pigs-in-a-blanket to eat dinner, and drove home.
I'm frustrated that the planners hadn't known sooner about the conflict with the first park. When I got home I was curious and checked the event site to see if maybe I had missed a notification on there with the new address because I don't have a smart phone. The only thing I missed was a comment a few minutes before I left the house saying to bring a chair to sit in to eat at the first park.
I'm angry and embarrassed at myself for being so bad at remembering directions. This has gotten me into trouble so many times!
I'm embarrassed that I was so dissappointed at Hubby (Mr. Introvert, homebody, doesn't like crowds, doesn't like heat, doesn't like eating outside) for not coming with us but then it didn't turn out to be as great as I expected. When I came home I prefaced my venting to him with, "Don't tell me you're glad you didn't come. I may explode. Or cry."
But I'm especially angry at all the time and money that was wasted this evening. I drove all that way (it was pretty far from my house) to get there, and spent all that money buying gas and our potluck contribution, to only be able to participate in the first half of the event! I was really looking forward to this event-the whole event.
That was a lot of time spent to not be able to enjoy the party. That was a big waste of time to me, which I can't get back.
There are only so many hours in the day!
Recently the kids and I attended an end-of-the-year activity with our homeschool group. When we arrived, the two parking lots for the park were completely full. So we had to park at an elementary school down the street. It wasn't too bad but as the big kids ran ahead, I was left carrying my heavy, needs-to-be-cleaned-out diaper bag, Quartus who had just woken up, and my potluck contribution on a large tray. (This is no big deal because I'm a mom! Not the first time I've found myself in similar situation.)
As I walked up I noticed that there were no tables for food and I didn't see anybody else holding trays of food. I was confused. Another mom quickly stopped me and said, "Oh, you must not have heard! The picnic benches here are all totally full so we're going to move the potluck portion to a different park down the street." Annoying, but whatever. She gave me verbal directions and it seemed like it would be easy to find the next place.
So the first part of the activity went well. It was really fun and a great experience. Then I packed up my kids and my junk and trekked back to the car. I realized quickly that I had completely forgotten the name of the street that I was supposed to turn on. But I wasn't too worried because I figured I'd be able to follow everyone else.
I got behind a big group of cars that I figured were part of our group and got going. But then we just kept going and I got worried that I had driven too far, "There's no way this second park is this far away!"
But then the big group of cars turned left and I happily followed. Then I just kept going. And going. And the landmark I was supposed to be watching for to turn next never came. I had driven a long way and figured everyone else was probably already at the park and eating by now. I decided that we were not going the right way. I got back to the first park and tried again, turning left sooner this time.
This obviously wasn't the correct way, either. Angry, frustrated, and embarrassed, I apologized to the kids, instructed them to open up the pigs-in-a-blanket to eat dinner, and drove home.
I'm frustrated that the planners hadn't known sooner about the conflict with the first park. When I got home I was curious and checked the event site to see if maybe I had missed a notification on there with the new address because I don't have a smart phone. The only thing I missed was a comment a few minutes before I left the house saying to bring a chair to sit in to eat at the first park.
I'm angry and embarrassed at myself for being so bad at remembering directions. This has gotten me into trouble so many times!
I'm embarrassed that I was so dissappointed at Hubby (Mr. Introvert, homebody, doesn't like crowds, doesn't like heat, doesn't like eating outside) for not coming with us but then it didn't turn out to be as great as I expected. When I came home I prefaced my venting to him with, "Don't tell me you're glad you didn't come. I may explode. Or cry."
But I'm especially angry at all the time and money that was wasted this evening. I drove all that way (it was pretty far from my house) to get there, and spent all that money buying gas and our potluck contribution, to only be able to participate in the first half of the event! I was really looking forward to this event-the whole event.
That was a lot of time spent to not be able to enjoy the party. That was a big waste of time to me, which I can't get back.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Awesome Surprise Birthday Party
I have an amazing husband. And amazing friends.
They threw me a surprise birthday party and it was awesome.
I do not advertise my birthday on Facebook. I hate the obligatory and insincere birthday messages that get sent if people know it's your birthday just because social media told them so. And I hate feeling obligated to go through each one and thank them all for wishing me a happy day. And then I hate feeling obligated to wish each of those people a happy birthday to reciprocate.
I also just don't typically celebrate my birthday. This year I spent my birthday baking a cake and making a pinata for my son's party. To me, birthdays are for kids.
I don't feel this way about my birthday because I dread growing older. Not at all! I'm proud to say that I am now 30. And I plan to embrace every wrinkle and grey hair as they come. And if someone happens to know my birthday and wants to sing to me, I won't refuse to let them. This year one of my brothers even called me on my birthday. It was a nice visit. But I don't expect to be queen of the day. And honestly, if you didn't come from my womb, I will most likely not remember or recognize your birthday, either. So I don't expect it in return.
I don't begrudge my friends having other opinions on the matter, though. If you want me to babysit your kid so you and your spouse can go to dinner on your special day, then I will happily oblige. If you want to throw yourself a party, I will definitely come. Any excuse for a party is a good one in my book! I will probably offer to make you a cake and I will absolutely sing the birthday song as loud as I can!
But I will definitely not be throwing my own birthday party. I find other excuses for parties throughout the year, ones where I don't have to be the center of attention.
Well, I digress. This surprise party (my first ever) was great. My friend Ally (blogger at Millennial Mormon Mom) came up with the idea. She consulted with Hubby who rightfully told her that I would discourage any celebration in my honor. But he also told her that I would really enjoy a relaxed evening with a few girlfriends where we could just talk and laugh. Another important note was that any day that I don't have to make dinner or clean up afterwards is a day that I feel special and loved. Boy, does he know me well!
So on this day, at almost 5 o'clock Hubby got a call from his mom (I guess he roped her into it too, so he wouldn't have to lie if I pressed him). After he talked to her for a bit he declared that he needed to go to her house really quick to pick up a birthday present she had intended to bring to Tertius' birthday party that morning but couldn't make it. (I should have been more suspicious considering this was a "friend party" and she had already given him a gift at the family party two months earlier.) So he asked the kids if any of them wanted to go with him to see grandma and they all said yes. Apparently he had prepared them earlier that day to ensure they would all want to go.
Hubby said I needed to stay home because Jeff and Ally were going to stop by that night to pick up a coffee table we were getting rid of. He also assured me that it would be a quick trip and that he would figure out something for dinner when he got back. I was exhausted from the earlier party so I happily thanked him for his thoughtfulness and settled on the couch to watch TV.
I was only about halfway through my episode when I got a knock at the door. I opened it to find not Ally and Jeff, but Ally and 4 other friends! They brought with them a veggie tray, crackers, hummus (mmm...hummus. Ally knows me well.), lasagna, salad, and fancy french soda.
While we ate and gossiped, Hubby and Jeff took the kids to the mall to eat fast food and spend their piggy bank money on the carousel and toys (Hubby made it a total life-skills learning experience for the kids as they had to pay for their stuff themselves. Homeschool!). It was a really fun evening for everyone!
I'm grateful for my friends for making me feel loved. And I'm grateful that I was able to enjoy a girls' night without having to do all the planning. :) Maybe birthdays are a good idea after all. Do you think I could get Hubby to plan a party for me every year? :)
They threw me a surprise birthday party and it was awesome.
I do not advertise my birthday on Facebook. I hate the obligatory and insincere birthday messages that get sent if people know it's your birthday just because social media told them so. And I hate feeling obligated to go through each one and thank them all for wishing me a happy day. And then I hate feeling obligated to wish each of those people a happy birthday to reciprocate.
I also just don't typically celebrate my birthday. This year I spent my birthday baking a cake and making a pinata for my son's party. To me, birthdays are for kids.
I don't feel this way about my birthday because I dread growing older. Not at all! I'm proud to say that I am now 30. And I plan to embrace every wrinkle and grey hair as they come. And if someone happens to know my birthday and wants to sing to me, I won't refuse to let them. This year one of my brothers even called me on my birthday. It was a nice visit. But I don't expect to be queen of the day. And honestly, if you didn't come from my womb, I will most likely not remember or recognize your birthday, either. So I don't expect it in return.
I don't begrudge my friends having other opinions on the matter, though. If you want me to babysit your kid so you and your spouse can go to dinner on your special day, then I will happily oblige. If you want to throw yourself a party, I will definitely come. Any excuse for a party is a good one in my book! I will probably offer to make you a cake and I will absolutely sing the birthday song as loud as I can!
But I will definitely not be throwing my own birthday party. I find other excuses for parties throughout the year, ones where I don't have to be the center of attention.
Well, I digress. This surprise party (my first ever) was great. My friend Ally (blogger at Millennial Mormon Mom) came up with the idea. She consulted with Hubby who rightfully told her that I would discourage any celebration in my honor. But he also told her that I would really enjoy a relaxed evening with a few girlfriends where we could just talk and laugh. Another important note was that any day that I don't have to make dinner or clean up afterwards is a day that I feel special and loved. Boy, does he know me well!
So on this day, at almost 5 o'clock Hubby got a call from his mom (I guess he roped her into it too, so he wouldn't have to lie if I pressed him). After he talked to her for a bit he declared that he needed to go to her house really quick to pick up a birthday present she had intended to bring to Tertius' birthday party that morning but couldn't make it. (I should have been more suspicious considering this was a "friend party" and she had already given him a gift at the family party two months earlier.) So he asked the kids if any of them wanted to go with him to see grandma and they all said yes. Apparently he had prepared them earlier that day to ensure they would all want to go.
Hubby said I needed to stay home because Jeff and Ally were going to stop by that night to pick up a coffee table we were getting rid of. He also assured me that it would be a quick trip and that he would figure out something for dinner when he got back. I was exhausted from the earlier party so I happily thanked him for his thoughtfulness and settled on the couch to watch TV.
I was only about halfway through my episode when I got a knock at the door. I opened it to find not Ally and Jeff, but Ally and 4 other friends! They brought with them a veggie tray, crackers, hummus (mmm...hummus. Ally knows me well.), lasagna, salad, and fancy french soda.
While we ate and gossiped, Hubby and Jeff took the kids to the mall to eat fast food and spend their piggy bank money on the carousel and toys (Hubby made it a total life-skills learning experience for the kids as they had to pay for their stuff themselves. Homeschool!). It was a really fun evening for everyone!
I'm grateful for my friends for making me feel loved. And I'm grateful that I was able to enjoy a girls' night without having to do all the planning. :) Maybe birthdays are a good idea after all. Do you think I could get Hubby to plan a party for me every year? :)
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Homeschooling Means...#4
...taking a brief break in the middle of the day to play Just Dance, Wii. Call it P.E.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Homeschooling Means...#3
...I'm sleeping with the Principal.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Time to Buy More Markers!
I can't wait for the back-to-school sales to start. We are in desperate need of new markers. I just went through our box and threw away a bunch of dead markers. It seems like every time I do this, which is every couple months, I find a whole handful of dry markers.
This box may seem sufficiently full, but I assure you, it is mostly extra caps. I keep all lids because I never want the kids to leave a marker to dry up with the excuse, "but I can't find the lid!"
This used to be one of my huge pet peeves-leaving lids off markers. I used to get so angry! Each marker represents money! And that's in short supply these days. I was frequently heard screaming, "Click the lid!!!"
But at the beginning of this school year I decided the fight just wasn't worth it. I bought a few new packages on sale then explained to the kids (and calmly reminded them several times throughout the year) that I wasn't going to buy extra markers. If they don't take care of them, then they will be thrown away. And new ones won't magically appear. And if they end up with no more red markers, then that's just gonna stink. And maybe they'll remember next time.
Did they take care of them better this year than last? Nope. Did they take care of them better in years past when I was hysterically crying about how expensive markers are? Nope.
When the back-to-school sales start again, I'll go down to Walmart and pick up several packs of CraZArt's for a few bucks, and then move on. It's really not as bad as I convinced myself it was for so long. Peace in our home is worth way more than some boxes of cheap art supplies.
This box may seem sufficiently full, but I assure you, it is mostly extra caps. I keep all lids because I never want the kids to leave a marker to dry up with the excuse, "but I can't find the lid!"
This used to be one of my huge pet peeves-leaving lids off markers. I used to get so angry! Each marker represents money! And that's in short supply these days. I was frequently heard screaming, "Click the lid!!!"
But at the beginning of this school year I decided the fight just wasn't worth it. I bought a few new packages on sale then explained to the kids (and calmly reminded them several times throughout the year) that I wasn't going to buy extra markers. If they don't take care of them, then they will be thrown away. And new ones won't magically appear. And if they end up with no more red markers, then that's just gonna stink. And maybe they'll remember next time.
Did they take care of them better this year than last? Nope. Did they take care of them better in years past when I was hysterically crying about how expensive markers are? Nope.
When the back-to-school sales start again, I'll go down to Walmart and pick up several packs of CraZArt's for a few bucks, and then move on. It's really not as bad as I convinced myself it was for so long. Peace in our home is worth way more than some boxes of cheap art supplies.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Homeschooling Means...#2
...we had the following conversation while getting the kids bathed before dinner.
Hubby: "Alright, kids, when you're done getting bathed, get day-clothes on." (We were going as a family to a party that night)
Me: "Actually, why don't we have them just put on pajamas? We don't know how late we'll be out and it's one less change of outfits to deal with."
Hubby: "Are you sure? They're not going to feel awkward?"
Me: (head cocked to the side) "Honey. They're homeschooled."
Hubby: (pause) "Ok, kids, get in pajamas."
Haha. I love that it was a perfectly valid argument all on it's own. See, aren't our kids kinda expected be awkward? I say embrace it! :) They wear some of the weirdest outfits out of the house. I love that they don't even care.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Hubby: "Alright, kids, when you're done getting bathed, get day-clothes on." (We were going as a family to a party that night)
Me: "Actually, why don't we have them just put on pajamas? We don't know how late we'll be out and it's one less change of outfits to deal with."
Hubby: "Are you sure? They're not going to feel awkward?"
Me: (head cocked to the side) "Honey. They're homeschooled."
Hubby: (pause) "Ok, kids, get in pajamas."
Haha. I love that it was a perfectly valid argument all on it's own. See, aren't our kids kinda expected be awkward? I say embrace it! :) They wear some of the weirdest outfits out of the house. I love that they don't even care.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Library Discoveries #6 Science Kit
Did you know the public library has more to offer than just books? This is installment #6 in a series about the many things that can be checked out from my local public library. The library has so many things to offer, but I'm going to focus on things that are kid-centric.
Our science studies have been very loose this year. I never chose a specific curriculum. So these kits have been really nice.
What you get:
1 or 2 nonfiction books
2 activity cards
1 blank notebook to write in and keep (basically just a few pages stapled together)
1 free pass to the Lawrence Hall of Science
Unfortunately, the last 3 times I have checked out kits, they did not contain notebooks or museum passes. The first time, I took the kit up to the service desk to ask about the missing pieces and she seemed pretty confused, as if she had never seen such a thing before. When I explained what was missing, she assumed that the kit needed to be sent back to the central branch in between check outs to be refilled. And it would appear that didn't happen. They have none of the missing supplies in the back room.
Then she started showing me how to get a free museum pass through the library catalog (perhaps I will blog this feature later). But I don't care about the museum pass. I just wanted the blank notebook!
So she apologized and took the kit and said she would send it back to central. A week later I reserved this same kit and another one because I wanted to see if it actually got refilled. Nope!
Oh, well. I digress!
Even without the blank notebook, it's a pretty great kit. The two cards walk you through everything step by step. It tells you when to read each book, what to write about, and also steps to a related experiment using objects you probably already have around the house.
When we did the Modeling a Stream kit, it had us fill a jellyroll pan with cornmeal, prop it up at an angle, and pour water down it from the top. We learned how water changes landscapes; water moves downhill; and that things like rocks, trees, and dams change the path of the stream. This kit inspired Primus' science fair project.
Check-Out Science by Lawrence Hall of Science
Find it on the website, have it "reserved" and sent to your local branch, and then pick it up and check it out just like a book.
Our science studies have been very loose this year. I never chose a specific curriculum. So these kits have been really nice.
What you get:
1 or 2 nonfiction books
2 activity cards
1 blank notebook to write in and keep (basically just a few pages stapled together)
1 free pass to the Lawrence Hall of Science
Unfortunately, the last 3 times I have checked out kits, they did not contain notebooks or museum passes. The first time, I took the kit up to the service desk to ask about the missing pieces and she seemed pretty confused, as if she had never seen such a thing before. When I explained what was missing, she assumed that the kit needed to be sent back to the central branch in between check outs to be refilled. And it would appear that didn't happen. They have none of the missing supplies in the back room.
Then she started showing me how to get a free museum pass through the library catalog (perhaps I will blog this feature later). But I don't care about the museum pass. I just wanted the blank notebook!
So she apologized and took the kit and said she would send it back to central. A week later I reserved this same kit and another one because I wanted to see if it actually got refilled. Nope!
Oh, well. I digress!
Even without the blank notebook, it's a pretty great kit. The two cards walk you through everything step by step. It tells you when to read each book, what to write about, and also steps to a related experiment using objects you probably already have around the house.
When we did the Modeling a Stream kit, it had us fill a jellyroll pan with cornmeal, prop it up at an angle, and pour water down it from the top. We learned how water changes landscapes; water moves downhill; and that things like rocks, trees, and dams change the path of the stream. This kit inspired Primus' science fair project.
Stayed tuned for the next installment!
1. Art Pack
2. Subject in a Box
3. Movies and Music
4. Audio Books and Read Alouds
5. Library of Things
7. Museum Passes
1. Art Pack
2. Subject in a Box
3. Movies and Music
4. Audio Books and Read Alouds
5. Library of Things
7. Museum Passes
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Homeschooling Means... #1
...if you drop by on a day that we have no plans out of the house, then you will find me in my pajamas with un-brushed hair. At least the kids will be dressed. Well, maybe not the toddler.
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
(This new series is meant to be mostly lighthearted and fun. Some may be serious, but most will be silly, braggy, or of the keepin'-it-real variety. Not every homeschool is the same. And some of these things could be said by public school parents. This is just to highlight MY experience with MY homeschool and MY children. Enjoy these little insights into our life and feel free to share your own "Homeschooling means..." in the comments!)
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Library Discoveries #5 Library of Things
Did you know the public library has more to offer than just books? This is installment #5 in a series about the many things that can be checked out from my local public library. The library has so many things to offer, but I'm going to focus on things that are kid-centric.
The Library of Things
This is a really new, cool program. The "Library of Things" is a collection of many different "things" that can all be checked out. Some "things" that are available include video games (for last and next gen systems), musical instruments, board and card games, and a sewing machine. All of these items are housed at one particular library. If you want to check something out, you have to go to that location; they do not transfer them to your preferred branch like they do with books. Some "things" are on display at the branch, or you can go online to browse and have them reserved for you.
Given the expensive nature of these "things," the library naturally has put several conditions in place for checking them out:
You have to be 18 or older.
Only one "thing" may be checked out at a time.
You must sign an agreement at the circulation desk.
It's interesting to note, though, that video games don't require a signed agreement, don't have an age restriction, and don't count against your "one thing" limit. Hubby and I beg the question, then why are video games considered part of the Library of Things collection instead of being treated as everyday library materials?
When I went to pick up my reservations the other day, I had a good chat with the librarian. He thinks that change will be happening soon! He hopes that by the end of the summer they will have more of an abundance of things (especially board and card games) and that the demand will die down a little with the program being less new. That will mean that they can lift the one-thing-at-a-time restriction. He thinks it will be great for library patrons to be able to check out a whole bunch of games at a time and hold game nights, for example. They'll also be rearranging some of the shelving so that the entire Library of Things can be on display instead of hidden away in the back room.
(Edited to add: When I went today they had Things displayed along one wall as pictured above instead of just one portion of shelving. Not sure if this is what the librarian meant or if it's going to be given an even larger home in the future.)
Stay tuned for the next installment!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Practicing Different Skill Levels with Games
After posting last night about my thoughts on homeschooling three children, I remembered something else that has helped me teach more than one kid at once. Games!
This Word Bump game by This Reading Mama is really good. Each kid uses it to practice their own list of sight words or spelling words. It doesn't matter if they are at totally different levels.
I also picked up a while ago some random game boards that didn't have any included pieces, dice, or rules (you can easily make your own). So we made up our own rules.
Basically, when it's your turn, you read your sight word, spell your spelling word, identify an alphabet sound, or do a math fact. If you were correct, then you get to roll the dice.
Again, this works really well with any skill that each kid needs to practice and at any level.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Advice for Teaching 3 Students
A fellow homeschooling mommy asked me for some advice on homeschooling 3 children. She's been homeschooling one daughter while another daughter and son went to public school. She'll be teaching all three at home this year and is understandably nervous.
While her three kids don't match up perfectly in age or needs to my kids, I was happy to help in any way I can. I know I love to read other homeschooling moms' blogs to get insight on how they do things. I rarely replicate things exactly as I read them in my own homeschool. But I think it's still good to gather many perspectives to get the creative juices flowing!
Following is exactly what I messaged to her:
Sure. I hope I can help.
This year I have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, and a preschooler. Honestly, until a couple months ago, the preschooler (kinder in the fall) didn't get a ton of individual school attention.
But even so, I've learned a couple things these last couple months. First, we need a pretty strict schedule, or else stuff doesn't happen.
At the very beginning of the school day, the preschooler gets half an hour of undivided attention from me. We work on our reading curriculum and workbooks or whatever. The girls are not allowed to interrupt me during that time (but of course they still do :) )
After that, the 1st grader gets half an hour of attention. I check any work that she accomplished while I was working with brother and then work together on whatever she needs.
Then we break for snack and do science or history all together. After that everyone goes back to independent learning and I can jump between them as needed, do chores, or play with the toddler.
Then a half hour before lunch, the 3rd grader gets her individual attention from me.
After lunch is literature time. The 3rd grader is mostly on her own (reading an assigned novel and doing associated activities) and the 1st/preschooler do literature together (usually consisting of me reading them a story and them doing a craft.)
As you can see, the keys to this working for us is doing as many group subjects as we can and especially everyone learning to work independently.
Learning to work independently is the hardest but most important thing, I feel, for my kids. The girls each have a clipboard containing a list of things they need to accomplish during the week. I don't care what order they do things in. Primus is in 3rd grade and really quite good at working independently now. Secundus the 1st grader is not so good at it and needs a bit of help being redirected/refocused. It also super helps that she learned to read kinda early. I feel that if a kid can read, then the whole world is open to them and they can learn anything. So the main focus for us in late preschool/kindergarten is learning to read.
So anyway, that's basically how we do. Every kid and every family is so different, though! I'm constantly reevaluating and tweaking our homeschool.
While her three kids don't match up perfectly in age or needs to my kids, I was happy to help in any way I can. I know I love to read other homeschooling moms' blogs to get insight on how they do things. I rarely replicate things exactly as I read them in my own homeschool. But I think it's still good to gather many perspectives to get the creative juices flowing!
Following is exactly what I messaged to her:
Sure. I hope I can help.
This year I have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, and a preschooler. Honestly, until a couple months ago, the preschooler (kinder in the fall) didn't get a ton of individual school attention.
But even so, I've learned a couple things these last couple months. First, we need a pretty strict schedule, or else stuff doesn't happen.
At the very beginning of the school day, the preschooler gets half an hour of undivided attention from me. We work on our reading curriculum and workbooks or whatever. The girls are not allowed to interrupt me during that time (but of course they still do :) )
After that, the 1st grader gets half an hour of attention. I check any work that she accomplished while I was working with brother and then work together on whatever she needs.
Then we break for snack and do science or history all together. After that everyone goes back to independent learning and I can jump between them as needed, do chores, or play with the toddler.
Then a half hour before lunch, the 3rd grader gets her individual attention from me.
After lunch is literature time. The 3rd grader is mostly on her own (reading an assigned novel and doing associated activities) and the 1st/preschooler do literature together (usually consisting of me reading them a story and them doing a craft.)
As you can see, the keys to this working for us is doing as many group subjects as we can and especially everyone learning to work independently.
Learning to work independently is the hardest but most important thing, I feel, for my kids. The girls each have a clipboard containing a list of things they need to accomplish during the week. I don't care what order they do things in. Primus is in 3rd grade and really quite good at working independently now. Secundus the 1st grader is not so good at it and needs a bit of help being redirected/refocused. It also super helps that she learned to read kinda early. I feel that if a kid can read, then the whole world is open to them and they can learn anything. So the main focus for us in late preschool/kindergarten is learning to read.
So anyway, that's basically how we do. Every kid and every family is so different, though! I'm constantly reevaluating and tweaking our homeschool.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Yelling and Miracles
On April 9th I posted on Facebook: "Yesterday was a bad mental health day for me. But today I've managed to not yell at the kids at all so far. Not even raise my voice. Yay!"
My base mental state for the past 5 years or so has been "stressed." Heavenly Father has taken care of us and blessed us in more ways than we deserve. But still, the stress (influenced by lack of faith) remains. I have ups and downs and the downs translate to taking it out on my children in the form of yelling. I know it's not the best, most effective way to teach and parent.
I have prayed to my Heavenly Father many times over the years pleading with Him to remove this yelling flaw from me. I begged for help to be patient, kind, and loving. Taking out my stress on the kids isn't fair and they don't deserve it. They deserve a better mother. And like I said, I'd have my up days but then I always fall back down.
Then finally on April 8th I had a mental break down of sorts. Usually how it happens it the stress builds and builds until it's all consuming. And then I freak out, have a good cry, release it all, and then I feel a little better for a little while.
So on this day I was being unreasonable and yelling at the kids more than usual. And when I'm in a mood, they act up and then the situation snowballs. No one was happy. Thankfully Hubby was home. At about 1pm he came up to me as I washed dishes, probably worried that I would throw a plate or something, and asked, "Honey, do you need a break?"
I immediately said, "yes," turned off the water, grabbed my purse and shoes, and walked out the door. I had an appointment I needed to be at in an hour. So I sat in the drive way for a few minutes, bawled my eyes out, and prayed.
When I did finally start driving towards my appointment, I continued to cry and pour out my whole soul to my Heavenly Father. When I came home I felt tired, defeated, ashamed, ungrateful, and humbled.
The next day I woke up and I didn't yell at the kids. I woke up the next day and didn't yell at them. Here we are a month later, and still I haven't yelled at the kids at all since.
I can't yell at them. I'm weirdly physically incapable anymore. It's a miracle. Even if I'm shouting across the house to call them to dinner, I can't yell as loud or as intensely as I used to. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like something is restraining my voice.
The change isn't because of my own will power. And it's definitely not because the kids are perfect. They've still needed discipline. But discipline can be done calmly and with love. Or at least without rage.
One of the most interesting things about this for me is that the focus of my prayers this time wasn't even about asking for help to stop yelling. Sure, it was included in my pleas, but it wasn't a main focus as it has been in the past.
I don't want this to sound braggy at all. That's not what I'm doing. I just feel like I would be a truly unprofitable servant (more so than usual) if I didn't publicly thank God and witness of His power.
It reminds me of when I've talked to alcoholics. Some have said, "I threw away that last bottle of beer and then never had the desire to touch the stuff again." But then some struggle with it for the rest of their lives, taking it "one day at a time."
We don't know why God gives us the challenges He does. We don't know why He blesses us in the ways He does. But I have a testimony that He knows all of us. He knows what we need to experience. He knows what we need to learn. He knows how we need to learn it.
I know that Heavenly Father knows and loves me. I know that He knows and loves my children. I am so grateful for that knowledge and that He has seen fit to bless my family the ways He has.
Links from above:
Alma 19:33
Mosiah 2:21
D&C 121:43
My base mental state for the past 5 years or so has been "stressed." Heavenly Father has taken care of us and blessed us in more ways than we deserve. But still, the stress (influenced by lack of faith) remains. I have ups and downs and the downs translate to taking it out on my children in the form of yelling. I know it's not the best, most effective way to teach and parent.
I have prayed to my Heavenly Father many times over the years pleading with Him to remove this yelling flaw from me. I begged for help to be patient, kind, and loving. Taking out my stress on the kids isn't fair and they don't deserve it. They deserve a better mother. And like I said, I'd have my up days but then I always fall back down.
Then finally on April 8th I had a mental break down of sorts. Usually how it happens it the stress builds and builds until it's all consuming. And then I freak out, have a good cry, release it all, and then I feel a little better for a little while.
So on this day I was being unreasonable and yelling at the kids more than usual. And when I'm in a mood, they act up and then the situation snowballs. No one was happy. Thankfully Hubby was home. At about 1pm he came up to me as I washed dishes, probably worried that I would throw a plate or something, and asked, "Honey, do you need a break?"
I immediately said, "yes," turned off the water, grabbed my purse and shoes, and walked out the door. I had an appointment I needed to be at in an hour. So I sat in the drive way for a few minutes, bawled my eyes out, and prayed.
When I did finally start driving towards my appointment, I continued to cry and pour out my whole soul to my Heavenly Father. When I came home I felt tired, defeated, ashamed, ungrateful, and humbled.
The next day I woke up and I didn't yell at the kids. I woke up the next day and didn't yell at them. Here we are a month later, and still I haven't yelled at the kids at all since.
I can't yell at them. I'm weirdly physically incapable anymore. It's a miracle. Even if I'm shouting across the house to call them to dinner, I can't yell as loud or as intensely as I used to. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like something is restraining my voice.
The change isn't because of my own will power. And it's definitely not because the kids are perfect. They've still needed discipline. But discipline can be done calmly and with love. Or at least without rage.
One of the most interesting things about this for me is that the focus of my prayers this time wasn't even about asking for help to stop yelling. Sure, it was included in my pleas, but it wasn't a main focus as it has been in the past.
I don't want this to sound braggy at all. That's not what I'm doing. I just feel like I would be a truly unprofitable servant (more so than usual) if I didn't publicly thank God and witness of His power.
It reminds me of when I've talked to alcoholics. Some have said, "I threw away that last bottle of beer and then never had the desire to touch the stuff again." But then some struggle with it for the rest of their lives, taking it "one day at a time."
We don't know why God gives us the challenges He does. We don't know why He blesses us in the ways He does. But I have a testimony that He knows all of us. He knows what we need to experience. He knows what we need to learn. He knows how we need to learn it.
I know that Heavenly Father knows and loves me. I know that He knows and loves my children. I am so grateful for that knowledge and that He has seen fit to bless my family the ways He has.
Links from above:
Alma 19:33
Mosiah 2:21
D&C 121:43
Friday, May 1, 2015
I Don't Care!
You know those days when your five year old babbles on and on for 20 minutes straight about Pokemon? And all you want to do is scream, "Enough! I don't care about Pokemon! Why did your uncle ever introduce you to such stupid nonsense? Just go outside and play!"?
Ever been there?
When this happens I bite my tongue and just let him talk. And talk. And talk. For whatever reason, this right now is important to him. And he wants to share it with me.
A couple years ago a friend said something that really stuck with me. I was at her house, visiting and preparing plums for canning, while our kids played in the backyard. Her oldest daughter (how old is she? Preteen, teen?) came into the kitchen and told her mom she had something to tell her.
My friend didn't hesitate to excuse herself from our conversation, go in the other room with her daughter, and give her full attention.
When my friend came back she indicated that what her daughter wanted to talk about wasn't really all that important. "But," she said, "I need her to know that I'm willing to listen to what she has to say now so she'll know that I'm willing to listen anytime, especially when even more significant topics come up."
I want my boy to feel comfortable telling me about the things that are on his mind. I want to hear him talk about Pokemon, not because I give a flip about Pokemon, but because he's interested in Pokemon.
I want my children to know that I will listen to them anytime about anything.
Open communication and mutual respect are probably the biggest things that will help us all survive the teen years. And we're building the foundation for that now.
But I still might wish his uncle had never introduced him to Pokemon.
Ever been there?
When this happens I bite my tongue and just let him talk. And talk. And talk. For whatever reason, this right now is important to him. And he wants to share it with me.
A couple years ago a friend said something that really stuck with me. I was at her house, visiting and preparing plums for canning, while our kids played in the backyard. Her oldest daughter (how old is she? Preteen, teen?) came into the kitchen and told her mom she had something to tell her.
My friend didn't hesitate to excuse herself from our conversation, go in the other room with her daughter, and give her full attention.
When my friend came back she indicated that what her daughter wanted to talk about wasn't really all that important. "But," she said, "I need her to know that I'm willing to listen to what she has to say now so she'll know that I'm willing to listen anytime, especially when even more significant topics come up."
I want my boy to feel comfortable telling me about the things that are on his mind. I want to hear him talk about Pokemon, not because I give a flip about Pokemon, but because he's interested in Pokemon.
I want my children to know that I will listen to them anytime about anything.
Open communication and mutual respect are probably the biggest things that will help us all survive the teen years. And we're building the foundation for that now.
But I still might wish his uncle had never introduced him to Pokemon.
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